Finding Nilimo

So...I know what you must be thinking.  "It's been so long since that Nilima girl blogged anything", "I've missed that Nilima girl's blogging", or "Ugh...I was so happy that Nilima girl was no longer blogging...and now this?".  Or rather..."OMG...Nilima blogged?"...or..."Wait, who's Nilima?".  Alright...so I have no idea what you must be thinking.  I can tell you, though, that it has been way  too long since I last wrote a post. In fact, it's been around 4 years since I last blogged anything...and I feel like I don't know how to go about doing it anymore.  I guess (if you're medically-oriented) you could say I've acquired some sort of blogging apraxia.  I used to be able to more eloquently put into words what I was feeling and thinking and now it's become so unnatural a thing to me.  Maybe that's because I've been forced to write patient notes, write-ups, reports and all things technical/med...

So...it's not Mother's Day.  I'm sure it's some  mother's (birth)day... somewhere .  Well, actually...it was  my mom's birthday last week...so perhaps a note - in her belated birthday honor - is due...because being the kind of child I am, I neglected to get her anything.  I suppose I'll need a father-centered post at some point in the future, as well...Regardless... My mom can be infuriating, smothering, and annoying.  Sometimes, she makes absolutely no sense...and I'm starting to think I inherited her ridiculousness.  Anyway...she's absurd... She says things like "It fit me perfectly, but it wasn't my size!" and "spuh-tool-uh" and "linger-ee"...In general, she has an interesting grasp of the English language. She complains that she can't go to bed until I come home from wherever on Earth I might be - Seriously, though? Go to bed. Sometimes...days off from work for her become let's-hang-out-with-my-child...

So...it's time for my annual "What am I thankful for?" post!  Actually...that's a lie.  I don't even know if I posted one last year...or the year before that...or the year before that.  Frankly, I just wanted to use the word "annual" because it makes it seem like I uphold tradition...but really...I'm a sham. ANYWAY...I guess it's never too late to start a post like this so...here goes! I'm thankful for: 1. My shoes...Without them I would just be...barefoot. 2. My clothes...Without them I would just be...naked. 3. My scrubs...Without them I would just be...kicked out of the ER for looking like some random child who decided to traipse in.  There are a few of those, anyway...so maybe I'd fit in... 4. My music...Without it my runs (and studying) would be oh-so-boring. 5. My stripes...Without them my wardrobe would be largely plaid/checkered...and largely non-existent. 6. My camera...Without it... your   life would be so much more.....

I realize I haven't posted anything in a while...so it's about time for another ramble-y, complaint-ridden message.  Get ready to listen to some whining...if you actually read this, that is. So a while back, I wrote a post basically saying I wanted to change.  That's still true.  I did change...but...for whatever reason, I didn't change in the way I had wanted to. Of course, that makes sense.  Change, for me, is something that's primarily reactive - to my surroundings, to other people, to events that occur in my life.  Whether this is actually true or not, I always seem to have little  control over the changes I go through. I came to the realization the other day, that I'm not the same person I was in high school...and I'm not even the same person I was at the start of college - or even during my sophomore year.  I think, largely, I used to be happier.  I used to not care about what people thought of me.  I used to not care about h...

"I forgive you." It's so simple...and yet SO hard to say in certain circumstances. Also...it's a bit late at night (or early in the morning) so I feel like my eloquence might have slipped away... Anyway.  Forgiveness. People do all sorts of crazy things to each other.  They cheat.  They stab each other in the back - or in other places if they're feeling violent.  They lie.  They steal.  They meddle.  They often say things they may or may not have actually meant to say.  Occasionally, what's done is so difficult to fathom that we believe we'll be perpetually angry - that we'll forever hate and never forgive the person who has wronged us. Maybe no one did anything to you directly... Sometimes we just need someone (or something) to blame...to focus our anger at.  Sometimes, we just need something concrete and tangible to avoid - as immature as that is. And sometimes...we just need someone (or, again, something) to hate because our anim...

So...as most of you know - seeing as this isn't profoundly shocking or anything - summer is over. Every summer break I insist on saying that, by the end, I've had the best summer I ever had...and for obvious reasons, the same can apply to this past break.  I went into this past summer with so many expectations of what the upcoming year would be like, fears about medical school, excitement about clinical research, and a bunch (read: millions) of other things that usually whir around in my head.  This summer was full of  plenty  of let-downs and shortcomings - some entirely unexpected and some others more predictable.  At the start of this summer, I couldn't have even  tried  to predict what was to come - or what kind of situation I'd be in currently.   But...that's okay. There's certainly personal profit in the unexpected.  Like I've said countless times - everything happens for a reason.  Those reasons aren't always immediately apparen...

August 22nd, 2010. One year ago, a good friend passed away. Up until this morning, I hadn't even realized how important this day was.  When I had remembered, I felt terrible that I could even forget this day.  How could I be so careless? Could I be so self-absorbed that I completely forgot about something so important? No.  I wasn't being careless...and I wasn't being self-absorbed.  I forgot because time had closed the wounds that had opened one year ago.  Everyone always says "time heals all wounds"...and I even say it - but I never truly believed it up until today.  What happens in the present will still matter to me in a year but I'll certainly look at it differently. When we remember Dave we shouldn't be saddened by what happened, regretful of what we may not have done, or fearful of what the future may bring.  Dave's passing has taught me a few things that I've probably mentioned in the past but find so important to reiterate now: ...