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January 27th, 2023 Like a shadow in the absence of sunlight. Not only behind you, to follow But in front of you, a shroud. Above you, a weighted veil. Enveloping you, to smother. A companion you wish to rid, One you pretend is imaginary. One that hides in the presence of others, But ever-present in solitude. Days filled with distractions -- Banter, meetings, the usual routine. But nights of quiet -- filled with pain -- An emptiness, an aching, dread. An uncertainty of who to call out to, The desire not to burden another. A difficult thing to articulate -- A question of what's truly at the source. A constant haze of tears, Triggered by many a thought. The feeling of lacking control -- agency. The persistent scramble to tread water. Like wading through thick mud, Made freshly arduous to pass from recent rain. Like running on sand just at the tide line, That extra pull just to move forward.