To Have & Make Room

March 6th, 2024

Friendships of childhood seem so fickle. Fleeting? Maybe those aren't the right words.  So easy to come by in some ways.  A biology project in common, a shared less-than-stellar teacher you felt an allied annoyance of, the struggles of running the 1.5 miles on Fridays in P.E. -- they were connections made in proximity, united by something shared, at very specific points in our lives.  It's interesting to think about how quickly some of those friendships came and went -- how quickly you moved on from one another when you realized you were hitting those pre-teen or teen milestones at different rates.  And not in a bad way by any means -- it just felt like you were experiencing different things at different times and maybe outgrew one another at just as unpredictable a pace.

It's interesting to think about some of those childhood friendships that remained and wonder why that is.  I think many of us can think about those that we've stayed in touch with -- those that have seen us through our various ups and downs, those that grew with us.  The people we've had disagreements with -- and yet our friendships persisted.  Those select few in whom we've learned to accept one another for and in spite of all our quirks.  

Adult friendships feel like a special circumstance, then.  To have finished graduate schooling, obtaining degrees, and starting your career -- it poses a unique challenge to make new friends again.  Once more these friendships can be rooted in common experiences or trauma bonding but it feels like they require much more tending to to last -- faced with the competition of life's other priorities, it's hard to think you really hold any state of importance with these friends beyond the walls of your workplace.  Up against other friendships, significant others, hobbies, or even second jobs -- it feels more difficult to commit to one another than it might've been when your only major concern was studying for your upcoming exams.

Granted, these are sweeping generalizations and we all know those people on either end of the spectrum -- the ones that will stay in touch with a kid they met on the playground decades ago and the ones that will move to another city, never to be heard from again.  I'm not sure why I find myself thinking about this more these days, but I think about it quite a lot.  I think, perhaps, I find myself wanting more from these friendships at this point in my life -- less small talk, more meaningful conversations, shared care, trust, honesty, and support.  A show of mutual appreciation. 

At the end of the day, I just want to matter as much to someone as they matter to me. 
For us to have and make room for one another.  

I think we probably all want that, right?

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