Thanksgivings Past

November 23rd, 2023

Dear Nandini,

I remember half days at school, movie afternoons spent when our collective attention spans had all but vanished.  More time for video games and sleeping in and later on, more time for homework assignments over the long weekend.  For some reason, Jurassic Park reruns occupied the primetime slot on NBC and I was too young to appreciate the holiday-themed Friends episodes at the time.  Don't worry, I do now.  They were times filled with cheer and festivity -- and life!  Constant chatter filled our home, laughter and amusement.  The excitement over Black Friday sales -- the draft of the Christmas wish-list.  I miss it all. 

As I got older, I remember chipping in a bit more at the Thanksgiving table -- helping with the sides, mostly just bothering people in the kitchen.  Eventually, I was in charge of dessert -- though I've lost track of the amount of times Ma yelled at me for using granny smith apples in the pie...It felt like we spent less time together as a family.  That being said, I remember usually being able to see high school and college friends over the holidays and maybe this made up for that in some way.  Our dinners felt less joyous -- more anxious.  I began to spend the holidays waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak.  Conversations were less fruitful, more upsetting -- the holidays themselves tarnished in a way, quieter still.

And then you were gone -- and the silence that filled our Thanksgivings grew deafening.  Family and friends scattered -- an intangible loneliness began to loom.  When you joined us for dinner, you would lead us in saying 'thanks' -- and while I never looked forward to this back then, I would love to hear it again.  When I see others gathering with their families -- all collecting in some centralized place of warmth and coziness -- it's hard not to feel as if there's some unfillable void that persists.  

Maybe it won't always be this way - I suppose only time can tell.  It's difficult not to dwell in the rose-colored shades of nostalgia and celebrations past.  

I just miss you, is all. 

Love, 
Nilima  

  


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

And After

September 13th, 2023 To live a life without regrets,      One on your own terms and in your own way,     Of your own rules, a mold of your own clay. As a guide, led by those before you,     An obligation to those who come after you,     To those who have lost their light,     To those in a new land, a new culture, a new life. As an exemplar, a role model, a bastion of support,     A father, grandfather,     Partner, brother, uncle, mother,     Sister, friend, chosen family     A source for those in need. As a constant presence,     To express love, affection, adoration,     Even with words or without. To be relied upon and be reliable,     Food on the table,     Clothes on their backs,     For those you cherish to never want for anything. To celebrate the wins, however simple,     But to never forget the losses -- however small. To find the tiniest moments of joy, the humor --      But to not dismiss the pangs of sadness,     The impetus for growth. To continue the legacy of those who
Read more

To Have & Make Room

March 6th, 2024 Friendships of childhood seem so fickle. Fleeting? Maybe those aren't the right words.  So easy to come by in some ways.  A biology project in common, a shared less-than-stellar teacher you felt an allied annoyance of, the struggles of running the 1.5 miles on Fridays in P.E. -- they were connections made in proximity, united by something shared, at very specific points in our lives.  It's interesting to think about how quickly some of those friendships came and went -- how quickly you moved on from one another when you realized you were hitting those pre-teen or teen milestones at different rates.  And not in a bad way by any means -- it just felt like you were experiencing different things at different times and maybe outgrew one another at just as unpredictable a pace. It's interesting to think about some of those childhood friendships that remained and wonder why that is.  I think many of us can think about those that we've stayed in touch with -- th
Read more